I think a lot of us are guilty of wishing things in our past could be changed or altered in some way, shape or form.
I have personally wasted so much of my time trying to re-write history in my head, thinking if I could just go back and change this or that then my life would be better. We all know that the past can never be changed. Once you accept this fact of life you’re then free to focus your present and your future.
It is fairly common especially for those who suffer with depression to only focus on the negative aspects of your past and dismiss all the good positive things that have happened. You see your world through a negative filter.
Ive worked very hard and have managed to change the way I view my past! Instead of feeling sad about the bad things that I have no power to change, I just focus on the good. I put all the negative and painful experiences of my past down as learning curves and feel proud of myself for getting through them times and becoming a stronger person.
A lot of us have unhelpful irrational beliefs about life. My biggest one was thinking that life must be fair and people should treat me fairly. When in reality, life can be unfair. That is just a simple fact of life, we all know this. So why do we get so upset when someone treats us badly or when something doesn’t turn out exactly how we would of liked?
It’s natural to feel hurt or upset but when our irrational beliefs kick in this can amplify the situation. Unhelpful thinking like “this isn’t fair” this should of worked out” and “I should be treated fairly” is only setting ourselves up for more upset and pain.
Once you accept that your expectations of life treating everyone fairly and expecting everything to work out the way you wanted it to is unrealistic; you’ll be better equipped to manage your emotions when something unfair does happen to you.
You can change your inner script to acknowledge that yes I would of preferred this not to have happened however life can be unfair, not everything will pan out the way I want it to and this is just a fact of life that I cannot change. It will then become easier to digest when things don’t work out as planned because something’s just simply aren’t under our control.
A good way to help understand this concept is to think about standing in the rain, pointing at the sky and shouting you must stop raining, it should be sunny today. Now we would all love to be able to control the weather but it’s another fact of life that we simply can’t!! So what’s the point in upsetting ourselves and causing ourselves needless stress over something we cannot do anything about.
Give it a go today, try to view your past in a more positive light, learn to accept there are things in life we have no control over and try to stop your irrational beliefs of must’s & should’s.
You will feel calmer for it and life will be much easier to handle.